Are you ready to Attract the Right Partner? Do you want to know how to date with confidence. Here's 4 steps to make it happen. If you prefer to watch a video, scroll to the bottom where you can watch.
1. This isn't about flirting (it's more than that)
Confidence in dating isn't about flirting. Whenever I see those videos with tips on flirting it's usually a woman that looks like Gal Gadot teaching us all how to flirt. And frankly I imagine she could sit in a room and that would be considered flirting.
So this is not that, it's more powerful. It's learning how you can put yourself out there with confidence.
And to me, that translates to not putting up with the bullshit you don't deserve.
It's about spending less time with people who don't deserve your time.
Lets quickly chat about the TV show 'You'. Have you watched it?
It's essentially about this guy that showers women with attention, and it all seems like a love story. But it turns out to be more sinister. He turns out to be a stalker, a serial killer.
The show is an insightful social commentary on how we can very easily be patient and forgive someone who is attractive (that is actually something that Penn has said himself).
We can sometimes put others on a pedestal and not realise how amazing we are. We can sometimes mistake a lot of attention as something that is healthy (thanks to TV and movies), when it isn't.
So the invitation here is to notice if you have you been putting up with behaviour you shouldn't.
I know I did. And I know that experience of internalising hurt when this person is over you
So this can be a really vicious cycle, but being aware of it helps us break it.
Think about those non-negotiables you have in terms of what you value and how you want to be treated, and make sure, no matter how dreamy someone is, you don't put up with it.
The more you do that, the more you trust yourself, the more you tell yourself you are worthy, and THIS boosts your confidence.
The less time you spend with people who treat you poorly will also boost your confidence.
2. Confidence to start putting yourself out there.
Let's chat about anxiety in a general sense. How it works also applies to any anxiety you might have when it comes to putting yourself out there and dating.
When we fear something or have anxiety about facing something, we tend to avoid it. Thinking this is the solution.
For example, if you were scared of snakes you might skip a walk in the forest (or bush as we call it in Australia), in case you see one. But then you're missing out on the walk.
Some people would be ok with that, willing to miss out on something because of the fear.
But here's the clincher. When we avoid something we're anxious about, the fear doesn't go away. In fact it grows, and our confidence shrinks.
If we go on that walk we will show ourselves that actually snakes aren't as a big a deal as we thought. Even if we see a snake, this will actually help us to face the fear, reduce anxiety and increase confidence. (I talk about something called exposure therapy in this podcast episode)
So when it comes to dating, don't think that avoiding it is helping you. The truth is, it's making you more anxious than you realise. Putting yourself out there little by little in ways in which you're comfortable is key to boosting your confidence.
3. Stop focusing on what you're looking for and focus on what you're bringing.
How are you amazing? I bet you rarely stop to think about this.
We can go on dates and focus on that list, "ok here's the list of things I want".
I encourage this, it's really helpful to know what you want.
But if you come with the energy of, here's what I want, BUT also, here's what I'm bringing to the table, that will change the game.
So be sure to remind yourself of all the ways in which you're amazing. If you're finding it hard to see that right now, I'd love to help you reset your vision of yourself.
4. Don't let rejection get the best of you.
Rejection, ghosting, and breadcrumbing are sadly part of the modern dating landscape.
Please don't take it personally.
I've seen it happen to all my friends and all my clients.
Don't let the bad behaviour of someone else let you feel bad about yourself.
It speaks more about them and their emotional maturity. I dive into rejection a little more here. And have a full video landing on the YouTube Channel soon.
And remember, save your energy for the right ones, and stop wasting it on the wrong ones. You can get started with this free guide: 7 Ways to Shift Your Energy and Mindset to Attract Your Dream Person.
It'll help you start shifting toward the healthy relationship you deserve.
And if you'd love to attract and create a healthy relationship, let's work together - find out more here.
If you've been struggling to put yourself out there, fearing rejection, dealing with heartbreak or noticing patterns from childhood entering into your relationships, I can support you with all of this.
Louise x
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